I ought to know by now that the thing you are worrying about is not the thing to worry about. This is a law of nature, don't you agree? Just as I (wo)manned up and realised of course, all I had to do was stop worrying about hurting people's feelings, (instead of getting in a knot and probably hurting them more,) and say we are going to have a quiet one at home, this happened:
Of course it did. I started feeling a bit mouldy and the GP found all sorts of interesting stuff in my urine sample: blood, protein, white blood cells, a couple of microscopic submarines. A UFO? Or a UTI. Also, further reason to stay at home for The Christmas.
Meanwhile there has been an Epic Falling-Out within the In-law Camp, with Non-Trembler throwing a hissy hit of gargantuan proportions over a.. fridge. Oh, sigh. I don't want to dignify this (or indeed bore us all rigid) with further description. Let's just say I don't see how the hissiest, most entitled Hollywood diva could not be out-hissed by The Non-Trembler. The Non-Trembler is capable of demanding all the brown M&Ms be taken out of the crystal bowl they are to be presented in. Because how f*cking hard is it?
[Aside on the nature of siblings: How is it, friends, that siblings can diverge so much in character, values, looks, everything? When they share DNA and upbringing? Is this something nature cooked up to spread the odds of survival? Your thoughts are welcome, as ever. Of course, it is true that the Non-Trembler was labelled Delicate as a child. Apparently he was a bit pale, or something. Perhaps had ezcema? Anyway, he was spared the rather tough love that the robust, rosy-cheeked JB was given.]
So it's good I am all ready for The Christmas. I must now away and deliver presents to my parents, a sort of post-modern Santa Claus, in an ancient Nissan Micra, rather than a sleigh.
I will "see" you before The Day.