never say die
June 25, 2010
This is cheery.
The other night, in between barking coughing fits, I had this fevered dream that I was dying after being in a bus crash. I was not afraid. My dream-self was fine with idea. My last martyred dream-thought:
Maybe it's for the best, eh? The JB can go and have children with someone else.
I woke up all AURGG-ish, feeling hollow and cried punily on the JB, weakly confessing to him about the dream. He told me never to give up, no matter what. And he couldn't have a family with anyone else.
Pause.
Me: Well, you could. It would just be an inferior one.
We laughed pathetically.
The dream left a dismal pall behind it that hung around for days like a bad smell, not helped by the fact I was on house arrest with the hacking cough and odd, vertigo-like sensations. Normally I could dismiss the ramblings of my subconscious, except that, in my dark moments, I can see where it came from. It would be strange, after all, if it never occurred to me that the JB could meet someone else and have plenty of time to have plenty of children.
SIGH.
However. I have to believe that he can make that choice for himself.
This is cheerier.
I got that residency. [!!] Flor-ee-dah, here I come! It is so deeply satisfying to send a sonar ping out into the ocean depths from my lonely submarine and hear a responding ping come back.
That's the best thing about it. There are people out there, and they hear me.
The other night, in between barking coughing fits, I had this fevered dream that I was dying after being in a bus crash. I was not afraid. My dream-self was fine with idea. My last martyred dream-thought:
Maybe it's for the best, eh? The JB can go and have children with someone else.
I woke up all AURGG-ish, feeling hollow and cried punily on the JB, weakly confessing to him about the dream. He told me never to give up, no matter what. And he couldn't have a family with anyone else.
Pause.
Me: Well, you could. It would just be an inferior one.
We laughed pathetically.
The dream left a dismal pall behind it that hung around for days like a bad smell, not helped by the fact I was on house arrest with the hacking cough and odd, vertigo-like sensations. Normally I could dismiss the ramblings of my subconscious, except that, in my dark moments, I can see where it came from. It would be strange, after all, if it never occurred to me that the JB could meet someone else and have plenty of time to have plenty of children.
SIGH.
However. I have to believe that he can make that choice for himself.
This is cheerier.
I got that residency. [!!] Flor-ee-dah, here I come! It is so deeply satisfying to send a sonar ping out into the ocean depths from my lonely submarine and hear a responding ping come back.
That's the best thing about it. There are people out there, and they hear me.
Like you, kindly readers.
Thank you for your encouragement, so much.
T
ping! ping!
how lovely about the floreedah! i expect many drawings of retirees in big shorts.
how wise of mr. twangy to realize how heart-breakingly inferior a non-twangy family would be. he is not so dumb, is he? i suppose that's obvious, since no one dumb would end up with you.
does he get to go to fla?
Posted by: bionic baby mama | June 25, 2010 at 12:46 PM
THANK you, Bionic. So nice.
He may be able to come for a bit - it's during term but maybe during reading week. (Someone has to make the money. Heh.)
Posted by: Twangypearl | June 25, 2010 at 12:50 PM
ha, ping!
We do 'Beep Beep' when one of us is in bed and the other switches off the light at the other end of the attic and has to cross the dark void.
Brownie points for the Martian for the midnight wise words. much better than a grrrmbl ...just.sleep.hmpf oh and stop coughing please...snore..
Posted by: Valery | June 25, 2010 at 02:52 PM
PING!
Dreams like that.... sigh. The monumental suckiness of them.
And WELL DONE YOU! *sings* Coming To Americaaa...!
Posted by: Hairy Farmer Family | June 25, 2010 at 03:07 PM
Sounds like JB has made his decision. And it does not appear that there is the faintest smidgen of doubt (how could there be?). But I understand how a dream like that can hang around for a long time, with a highly polluting effect. Damned dream selves, they do get up to some mischief.
And well DONE on the residency, submarine commander TP! That's a lot more than a ping coming back - it's a ringing bang of sonic endorsement!
Posted by: Adele | June 25, 2010 at 05:44 PM
EEEE! You got the residency! That is so fabulous! Since you are such a genius, I am ever so pleased that you got some nice recognition. And will I fool you if I tell you Ohio is not far from Florida?
That's a poignant dream, but you're right--he's capable of making choices, and he chooses you.
Posted by: bunny | June 25, 2010 at 08:02 PM
Congratulations! I hope Florida is ready for you!
JB is very smart...
Posted by: a | June 25, 2010 at 08:39 PM
PING!
Oh my, congratulations on th residency! Here I was all about to ask had you heard anything...
Clearly the JB has the good sense.
Enjoy the sunny lands of Florida...will we get to read all about a side trip to Ohio and high jinks with Bunny?
Posted by: Andie | June 26, 2010 at 01:11 AM
Florida - huge news. Congratulations.
AS for dreamz ... well mine pretty much all suck so I have no words of wisdom. Luckily it seems that JB does...
Posted by: Amanda | June 26, 2010 at 01:25 AM
Congratulations! when do you cross the pond?
Posted by: irretrievably broken | June 26, 2010 at 12:02 PM
After careful research, I now know Ohio really isn't very near Florida. I had been under the illusion that it was more in the middle. But no, it seems. Boo!! Hiss!!
I will be leaping the pond in one bound in October. If nothing interferes with My Plan, that is. And who would dare tempt fate?
However, ready yourself, Florida. You have three months to prepare.
Posted by: Twangypearl | June 26, 2010 at 01:35 PM
That is fantastic news about Florida. A perfect get away from it all (apart from the topic of course, damn).
Posted by: Womb For Improvement | June 28, 2010 at 08:32 PM