insert more interesting word for "update"

It's so hard to find time to blog, isn't it? It used to be easy, but now I feel uncomfortably busy and, dare I say it, seized with an urgency to make things, which I'd call it ambition, if that wasn't so alien a concept. At any rate, I am sick of my shed and pc by the end of the day and just want to go inside and curl up in front of the fire. I've been sending work out to publishers and whatnot, applying for grants and all sorts. I feel all fired up and chugging full steam ahead. Whoo!

[I heart trains.]

There has been some activity on the adoption front, about which we are feeling strangely fine. It was as if a flash of lightning illuminated a path for us for a second, but as it turned out, it was not the path for us. How very mysterious I am being; this is what happened:

We were asked by our agency to decide if we'd like our profile to be shown to a mother of a 4 month old child who was considering "relinquishing" the baby. This was a particular case; not just because of the age of the child, but also because the mother had some requests about the openness of the adoption, keeping of the child's name, meeting us, and so on, which we were happy to agree to in principle.  [I really feel for the mother in question, needless to say; I always did, in theory, but to know of an actual person having to deal with this decision is entirely different. It has been quite a leap of understanding to realise that we are not the most vulnerable people in this situation.]

Anyway, it was not to be. I don't know if she chose another couple or changed her mind, but we are still here. The JB, endless speculator that he is, kept suggesting reasons why we weren't chosen. Maybe we looked too sporty? Maybe she didn't like school and we looked too brainy (not me)? Was she allergic to cats? Were we too far away? But that way, I persuaded him, finally, madness lies. We can be no other way that how we are and until we get further concrete suggestions on our letter from those who know about these things, I don't see any point meddling with it. After all, the cat, the (supposed) sportiness/braininess etc could as easily work in our favour with someone else. We yare what we yare, to misquote Popeye. 

So yeah. Interesting. I nearly started reading about babies, CAN YOU IMAGINE? This is a thing I have always been too superstitious to do, but when it gets real, you must prepare. (Did I ever tell you I'm afraid of very small babies? So vulnerable, elemental and sort of furled up! Agg! [Reassurance welcome, tell me they're tough little yokes, I'd like that.] I think this goes back to an incident which involves the 4 year old Twangy and a 2 year old family friend who turned out to be quite wriggly (or slippy? Hard to remember exactly), resulting in a visibly raised bump on her head, wailing, hospital visits etc. I am always glad to hear how successful she is, that little kid that was. She is quite the big noise in the Berlin theatre world! PHEW.)

What else? I did an awful webcam interview thing yesterday. Modern life, I despair. There was no one on the other end; I was essentially talking to a machine. A judgmental machine, at that. Lucky I don't even particularly want that grant, because when I watched myself back (surely something God or Nature never intended?) I was mortified by my rubber-facedness. Funny, normally I don't mind being photographed but this was AWFUL I TELL YOU AWFUL. New Year's resolution: DIAL DOWN THE GOOFINESS.

Also. The JB is learning to drive and after more than 20 lessons has been entrusted to my supervision. It is not fun, friends. I love the man, he has many gifts (NOT THIS THOUGH) but this is an experience that manages to be both tedious and terrifying, just between you and me. If there's nothing to fear but fear itself, the JB should be and is, in fact, petrified. More opportunities to reflect on our maladaptedness for modern living. Being flooded with adrenaline is only helpful when there is a tiger on the prowl; while manoeurving (sp?) a Polo around a corner at 5mph adrenaline can go and take a running jump at itself.

Ah yes. I feel better now. Thank you.
How are you?

 Another one from my Welcome to Ireland file. [Insert winning, tourist board-type, smile.]



I think it's a lot easier to learn to drive when you're a fearless teenager.

Sorry that the opportunity for the baby didn't work out. Trying to figure it all out is pointless. I hope that the next one ends up working in your favor.

Babies are pretty tough. They spend their first couple years falling over on a regular basis and most of them do very well with all that. I think the thing to remember is that YOU can't overreact or you will create a drama queen. :)

Valery Valentina

ooohhhhh, learning how to drive, never again!!!! it took me 55 hours of professional lessons in NL to be able to pass a test here. Mind you, this was AFTER I got my US license and did a 60000 mile road trip. And I'm still insecure!

Very little babies, well let me put it the other way: I have never heard of a head falling off, spontaneous or otherwise. They are small gorillas without fur, their little grabby fists prepared to hang on for dear life. And if you happen to get a Suzy she will use suction too!
Like a points out, whenever Suzy fell over we would ask if she wanted to come to us for a hug. And maybe apologise for a wall standing in the way and not moving when baby came near.
Also the idea about baby led weaning: let babies learn how to eat by themselves, no puree but fingerfoods worked so very well for us. Anywhere between 4-6 months they will start to grab and put things in their mouths. Enjoy the discovery of the world!
(SO um, we better hurry with our Dublin visit then, so exciting)


I am sorry the adoption was not meant to be with this particular baby. I am sure the right one is on its way.

Oh, the learning to drive with your spouse is enought to lead to divorce, I swear. I only got my licence last year, and it was The Husband who had to supervise me most of the time. He insists that you should turn corners while pedestrians are crossing in front of you, whilst I disagree. However, I did in fact get my licence eventually. And now I am not even afraid of driving...much. Mind you, there is no fear greater than THE DRIVING TEST.

I will stop babbling on and say I hope you are well and that some of this busy-ness results in great success for you.


Thanks, everyone! Maybe little babies aren't so fragile? MAYBE?

Andie and VV, well done on the driving test. I would have to agree that one should wait for the pedestrians to cross: the JB has an awful heart-rending habit of coming to a near stop and just nearly almost not quite stalling just on the corner. Oh HEAVENS ABOVE. Me nerves.


Little babies are terrifying. But not fragile at all. Miss Jackalope went wriggling off our bed at about four months, whacking everything on furniture and walls on the way down, cried. Did the same a few days later (our apartment not really being the best place to squeeze this many humans), cried for ten seconds until her brother joined us, whereupon she began laughing. I worry for our future peace, but not her sturdy body.

Here's hoping you are forced to become similarly nonchalant on this topic soon. Xo

Hairy Farmer

Babies are iron-clad little rocks. Have no fear. There will be Yours Along Shortly, I have absolute faith.

Entrust JB to another, I would. J & I come closest to divorce over one another's driving! :-/


Ag! I fear the story of the little baby falling off the bed was heart-stopping, Bionic. [Deep breaths, deep breaths.] I mean I know she is fine, in theory and logically, and everything.. Must toughen up, like a baby.

Oh I agree, HF! I would gladly give this task away. It is putting years on me. I did try to ask some friends to take him out, but there was a silence and a shifting in seats which suggested to me that this won't be happening any time soon. Aiii!


WOW. That photo looks like a watercolor. So amazing. (Or, conversely, that water color looks like a photo! Whatever fits the case!)

Babies, much like images of ones own rubbery face, are not as bad as they seem. Bunlet fell off things and hurt himself so many times yesterday that I advised him to stop climbing, which he did, apparently not realizing he had a choice. True, he's hardly a tender shrimp-like newborn, but yeah, tough little yolks is a great analogy. Like Bionic says, Very much hoping you get to learn this first hand. And shaking your hand warmly over your wisdom in knowing you are what you are, and can't obsess overmuch.

OH DEAR. I think JB should hire a teenager to teach him! I agree that a certain reckless willingness to die has some value. And they work cheap.

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