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August 2015


What? Where am I? How did I get here?

Apologies for allowing so much time to pass, which it sure did; I fell into a trade fair vortex. There has been no news, as you might well guess. The All New Not Running Away from the Bad Feelings Thing is still in operation and is having some modest success. Also! We had a meeting with the Agency last weekend which was really very reassuring. The agency founder seemed very intelligent, kind and practical. Real, if that's not too Oprah. We watched interviews with birth mothers; it talked about the typical backgrounds they come from and the kind of problems they might have, the support and care they get from the agency, how much time and counselling they take over the adoption plan, and it seems like a good, compassionate organisation. She told us if we keep our paperwork in order (this is a part-time job in itself) she's sure it will work out for us, if not with this Lady, with Another.

Sure, I'd like to know if we'll be jumping on a plane in a week or two, or not, but this is okay, I'm not obsessing. I am fine, notwithstanding the inevitable 3am wake-and-panic. (Why do things seem so bleak at 3am? A universal bio-rhythmic low-point?)

Lads! (sort of local equivalent to "Oh boy") as we say here. I have to go! Again. There will be more to say, there's always more, so talk soon.

Hope you are well.

no news is no news

Just a quick note to say there has been no word yet. Coping strangely well here. What will be, will be. 


(I ask myself if someone's slipped me some Valium.)

It is possible that the Lady will choose us at the last moment, or maybe even after the baby is born, or not at all, and we'll handle whichever of these it is.. is my current state of mind. Who knows what tomorrow might bring? But I've been feeling much less moody, and less avoidant of difficulty. I am trying to embrace what is, as opposed to running away from what is. I'm so tired of being afraid; it takes so much energy.

(According to my blood test results, I was low in B12 again. This time I am determined to continue to supplement as opposed to sort of losing interest after a while and forgetting. Maybe that's helping. A deficiency can cause anxiety, sleeplessness and the famous lemon-tinted complexion. Nice.)

Thanks for the support, everyone. You're really kind.
Till soon,